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My Diary Stuff
My Reads Me:
 You are Beauty. You are beautiful, whether it be on the inside, the outside, or both. People are drawn to you as strongly as you are drawn to the beauty in the world around you. What Emotion Are You? brought to you by Quizilla |
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2003-08-18 - 4:00 p.m. Seeing as I finish my job tomorrow I have been searching around online for prospective new employment possibilities. So far I have found the following vacancies: lap and pole dancers, chat line operators and cocktail shakers for TGI Fridays. I think I'll just keep looking. Today I have been wearing the face of a depressive, not that that's unsual or anything, but even I was starting to get depressed by the feeling of the look on my face. I don't know why, but emotionally I feel very unstable at the moment... it's all this jobs malarky. Why the hell did someone invent money... the root of all evil... why couldn't we stick to exchanging goods: like a few old, dried up beans for a pint of milk or a goat for a bag of wool? I might actually cope better in a society that was based on exchanging things. After all I am multi-talented and my talents go to waste in the world of slogging your rear end off for a few pence. Mom and I had an argument today about me being a bridesmaid. I keep re-iterating the fact that I don't see the point of having bridesmaids if you are not getting married in a church. Personally, I cannot think of any worse fate than being dressed up in matching frocks with my sister's friends all for her joy and happiness. My mom on the other hand thinks I am being a heartless b**** and that I should be prepared to risk my last ounce of self-respect for my sister's happiness. We'll see. Every few months I have a period of re-evaluation of my life. Like a kind of taking stock of things. I'm in one of those moods now and yet again I am thinking the same thoughts and getting myself mentally trapped in the same dead ends. I don't have many options and even the ones I do have are reliant on this bit of the jigsaw puzzle fitting in with this bit and if that bit doesn't fit the whole thing's down the pan. I wish I could feel more secure about things and not worry so much. I desperately want things in my life to work out for the better... for people to respect me, for my family to be happy with me and proud of me and for me to be happy with what I am doing. I just don't know how to achieve that with this damned disease. Ufff... I'm off to read my book and sleep. Ooooh last day of work tomorrow... he hee! |
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