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My Diary Stuff
My Reads Me:
 You are Beauty. You are beautiful, whether it be on the inside, the outside, or both. People are drawn to you as strongly as you are drawn to the beauty in the world around you. What Emotion Are You? brought to you by Quizilla |
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2003-07-06 - 1:56 a.m. *** Go back one entry if you want... I did make a 'normal' update. *** Ok so it's 1.55am and here I am... wide awake waiting for either sleep to overcome me or for one of the friends I had an upset with to come back in MSN. My mind is whirring. I feel like my whole life is on hold waiting for one person to make their mind up about me. It's like between them, my parents and the M.E./PCOS - my life is stuck in this time warp waiting for some friggin button to be pressed,but somehow it's got jammed and no one wants to fix it. Most people wouldn't be that bothered about their life at 22 I guess. Maybe it's just me being anal? I mean my sister's not exactly bothered about her fate and she's gonna be 26 this Christmas. Urghhhhhh... if I am still stuck like this when I am 26, somebody arrange for an anvil to drop from the sky and hit me. I freely admit I am a scaredy cat. I am ready to commit, but unless I feel the feeling's mutual there's no way I am gonna do that. I am scared of making a mistake that somehow seals my fate for the rest of my life... like on some damned, nasty, downhill path. I am also basking in extreme feelings of feminism after reading a book that stirred up my old feminist tendencies. I blame some of my current problems on the fact I am a woman. Not only am I woman, but I am also a woman with a chronic disease... possibly the worst receipe for gaining independence in the face of my parents and my religious leanings. I can't see how I will ever be allowed, or will financially be able to leave the family home. It's like I am imprisoned here forever - like a bird in a cage. Don't get me wrong... I love my parents, my home, my pets, my bed (ahhhhhh...mmm feather pillows) and I am so grateful I have somewhere to live and be ill in. Espcially when I see so many homeless people coming in my reception. I guess it's just that... I can't see how I am ever gonna truly be an adult and be able to get my own place. Ok moan over... sleep plz come and hit me with your rhythm stick.... Nighhhhhhhhhtttttt |
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