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My Diary Stuff
My Reads Me:
 You are Beauty. You are beautiful, whether it be on the inside, the outside, or both. People are drawn to you as strongly as you are drawn to the beauty in the world around you. What Emotion Are You? brought to you by Quizilla |
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2002-11-22 - 12:51 a.m. I have no idea why I am writing in here again. I should be asleep. My bf went offline ages ago and I am still here. I started reading things on www.islamway.com and then on Brainfog and diaryland and that's why I am still sitting in bed on laptop. I felt so awful earlier - like I was being poisoned. I think maybe either my kidneys are playing up or I had eaten something I am allergic to. Every time I eat I feel ill from digesting. I didn't eat much today and all my protein was fish based so I shouldn't be feeling like this. I can't explain to people when I feel like this... like on MSN messenger for example, people ask... how are you? I wonder do they really want to know or are they just saying that to be polite or is it just cos they cannot think of anything else to say. Soooo.... even if I am feeling ill or deathly or whatever I just say fine or ok or whatever. Today I tried saying - I am ok but tired.. to see what response that elicited. Thing I have found is people then get stressed if they think I am really ill or else they just blatantly ignore it. No one seems to understand chronic disease/illness. It's like - of course bless them - they want you to get better in the manner of having flu... whereas it just doesn't work like that. I feel a bit freaked out thinking I will have been ill for 12 years on January 11th 2003. Not only that but people expect everyone to be healthy, whereas it is clear that a vast proportion of the world has 'something wrong' with them. I hate talking about this to anyone.. I feel selfish for talking about myself so much and thinking about myself... especially when there are millions of people in far worse situations than me. I mean it's not like I am dying or bedbound or anything. At least I have a home and a family that loves me. I just wish that some of the people who I am close to... understood or tried to understand this part of me and my life a bit more. I was talking to someone today and I realised how rarely I go out of the house. I only go out to the Jobcentre every fortnight, shopping or to the hairdressers or beauty salon or library with my mom sometimes and occasionally out with my mom and dad at the weekends. Otherwise I go up to London to see a friend/friends. Basically I am in the house nearly 7 days a week. I lead a sheltered existence!!!!! Ok am gonna go brush my teeth and snuggle up for some sleep :-) |
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