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My Diary Stuff
My Reads Me:
 You are Beauty. You are beautiful, whether it be on the inside, the outside, or both. People are drawn to you as strongly as you are drawn to the beauty in the world around you. What Emotion Are You? brought to you by Quizilla |
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2002-05-23 - 7:53 p.m. Hmmmm.... Maybe I should mark my first entry with something special, but really I just want the chance to ramble on and for no one to know who I am or what the hell I am talking about! Today I feel odd. I didn't go into work in the office as I should have. I just couldn't be bothered. I got some revision done for my next exam, but frankly I can't be bothered with that either. I am really forcing myself to do this revision. It is just so boring and hard. In some ways I am a bit worried at the thought of leaving uni after 4 years. What is weird is that I have spent most of the last 4 years dreaming of the day when I will leave, graduate and be free. But it is scarey thinking of not being a student anymore and just being a nothing. I think if I had a job to go to I would feel a lot better. Especially if I was pursuing some sort of graduate job or going on to train as an impressive professional. Instead I am tied down yet again by my disease. In some ways I think I might as well have not bothered to come to university, because I am back at sqaure 1 again. But having said that, it has made me grow up a lot and given me a lot more confidence. Hmmm... I guess in many ways I don't really know what I want. I suppose I just want to be happy, but I am not even sure how I can achieve that. I don't know what will make me happy. I mean I think I do, but then I often wonder if I got what I think would make me happy would I be happy. I probably wouldn't be happy and would have yet another unachievable goal. Oh... why can't I have been born thick? Then I wouldn't have to even ponder such things. I would not be expected to achieve anything and I could just get on with being something non-descript. Having said that I will probably end up doing some bummy job that I could have done with GCSEs. Anyway so long as I get enough money to live on, I don't really care. Just existing is hard enough. If I can save up so that I can go on holiday and go back to uni to do a Masters then I will be really pleased. Sometimes I just need to let some of my thoughts out. To give myself a clear head and to allow me to get on with my life and work. Well I guess that is all for my first entry. |
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