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My Diary Stuff
My Reads Me:
 You are Beauty. You are beautiful, whether it be on the inside, the outside, or both. People are drawn to you as strongly as you are drawn to the beauty in the world around you. What Emotion Are You? brought to you by Quizilla |
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2004-01-05 - 7:45 a.m. I have barely slept... mehhhhhhhhhhhh.. waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa... arghhhhhh. I have had this weird stomach virus for days now and it's not going. I woke up in the night feeling so sick and then couldn't get back to sleep because I felt so yucky and in pain. Anyway in other less depressing news... I have decided that I will definitely change the location of my diary. If you are reading this, then thanks Yasmine for your advice. It kinda confirmed what I had been thinking. I won't be leaving this diary for another few weeks though and I need to decide what I want to call my new one. It's weird how so far 2004 has been fairly good for me. Healthwise I am not doing too well, but that's nothing new hehe. Yesterday I spent the whole day in bed just resting, chatting and watching my gerbils. I have also started drawing again, so I have been practising by drawing some of the things around me... umm exercise bike seat anyone?! I find that I have to be feeling emotionally stable to be able to do any of my hobbies and for the past few years I have felt generally so unwell and unhappy that I have not managed to do any of them, especially not drawing. For some reason I need to be able to let myself go in order to draw and when you are barely holding yourself together emotionally the idea of letting yourself go is a. scary and b. not a good one in case you never get yourself together again post-drawing! My interest in getting back into doing some of my hobbies has cheered my mom up. She considers creative Nosher to be the 'real' me because that's what I always used to be like. Since I have really started to get over him - as in I am not mentally thinking about him all the time, I do not need to speak to him... I choose to speak to him, I know I don't need him and can exist without him - I have actually managed to emotionally give of myself. By this I mean that I have been able to kiss and hug my mom and I, eek, wanted a hug from my dad so I asked him for one. I know this probably sounds stupid and bizarre to people reading this, but I haven't been able to do that for a long time (we are talking years here). It's small progress, but I feel like I am getting the real me back again. I can be myself without fear of being derided by someone. My family love me and that's all that matters because without them I am nothing. This week I must fill in that Jobseekers thing, catch the bus to the Jobcentre, call the doctor to order a prescription of some drug I can't even pronounce, go to puppy class (tonight.. *sigh*), call at least one of the 3 non-technological friends* and sort out what I am going to do about my large ass!! I'm gonna lie down until it's time to get up. *Non-technological friends = people who do not use the web to keep in contact and thus demand phone contact. |
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