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My Diary Stuff
My Reads Me:
 You are Beauty. You are beautiful, whether it be on the inside, the outside, or both. People are drawn to you as strongly as you are drawn to the beauty in the world around you. What Emotion Are You? brought to you by Quizilla |
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2003-06-26 - 12:44 p.m. I am feeling really fragile these days. I guess I am not coping too well. It's got that bad that I am now considering going to see the counsellor at work. I just feel like I never anticipated suffering from M.E. for this long, so in my mind I had assumed that by now I would be fine. In the long run, it's meant that I don't really have a viable direction to follow because everything boils down to me not being well and therefore, not being able to cope with the demands of whatever it is that I want to do. Not only this, but because I can't work full-time... I am on part-time pay. So funding a course of further study is not very viable either. Like all the courses I have considered range from 800-6000 pounds. That's just for the training... not books and travel etc. One of my doctors once described dealing with a chronic disease as being like overcoming grief. It's like you've lost something and you have to get over that loss to move on. I guess that's a good way to describe it. Last night mom stopped at the shop to pick something up. We got out of our car just as two riders on their horses went by. We walked behind them and I was glad of my sunglasses for as we walked behind in silence, I felt a tear trickle down my cheek. I want my life back, but now I don't even know what is 'my life'. This morning I felt like a black cloud just came and planted itself over my head. I am scared by myself when I am depressed. It's not something I want to confront or admit because I find it embarassing, a fault, a failure on my part. Then coupled with pain and being stuck in this bed for yet another day... it all just seems too much at times. Anyway if you don't see me for a while... don't worry I am just taking a break. |
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