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My Diary Stuff
My Reads Me:
 You are Beauty. You are beautiful, whether it be on the inside, the outside, or both. People are drawn to you as strongly as you are drawn to the beauty in the world around you. What Emotion Are You? brought to you by Quizilla |
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2002-11-24 - 4:40 p.m. OMG I am in such a weird mood... that is rapidly turning to a bad mood. I swear I am going mental lol. I didn't sleep last night and my pain is terrible... I did actually update my website a lot today - so that is something interesting I guess. I also completely revamped my old Photo Page, because I had lots of pics on there of me that I didn't want there anymore so by popular demand - he hee - I replaced them with kitten pics. I also found out about getting a phone line and **fingers crossed** we will be ordering that online tonight. So yayyyyy for additional phone line... may it be safely installed and quickly lol. I am trying not to be emotional, but I fear that for someone like me this is an impossible task - especially due to hormonalness of myself... so my attempt at non-emotionalness has turned me into a repetative song listener. I have about 5 favourite songs at the moment and I keep listening to them over and over again.... now this is NOT 'NORMAL' me behaviour... so God help the world. I feel like I am going to blow a gasket at some point... so many things are going round my head. I am f***ing fed up with life... actually someone noted on MSN yesterday that I have never said f*** to them or anyone else and yet I did yesterday. So I guess there is a first time for everything. I am keeping out of my parent's way because if I see them I will probably either depress them or end up arguing with them or worst case scenario: start blabbing all over them and have to lie as to the reasons because wallah I don't know the reasons fully myself. Another reason to keep myself up here in my bombsite is because it keeps me away from food and in my current mood I can imagine myself stuffing my face with utter crap as a kind of emotional sponge. Having said that, my mom gave me two peanut cookies today and I only ate one... the other one is sitting on a plate on the side over there *looks over* but I don't even want it. So maybe I am going to go into 'not eat' mode... which is better than bingeing I guess. Oh and today 'horror of horrors' I received the news that my sister may be getting engaged this side of the year 3000... now I guess I should be midly relieved about this - for many reasons like possible auntness and wedding etc., but I was plunged into further depression because it made me think about the state my life is in... and the fact that I may die an old maid. I promise myself I will quite possibly become a 'batting for the same side'-er before this happens. But then who is to say I would have more luck with women? Then I was thinking about Islam and thinking how central marriage is to it and I got myself in a state... I realise I am being selfish here... I should be able to rejoice in the happiness of others - especially the relief of my parents - but I can't... it just hi-lights everything with a big pink fibre tip pen... in the manner of neon lights flashing in my brain. ----- Love: Crap Sleep: Crap Diet: Extra Excellent Motivation: Good Exercise: Crap Family Bonding: Moderate Jobhunting: Crap Chatting: Crap |
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