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My Diary Stuff
My Reads Me:
 You are Beauty. You are beautiful, whether it be on the inside, the outside, or both. People are drawn to you as strongly as you are drawn to the beauty in the world around you. What Emotion Are You? brought to you by Quizilla |
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2004-01-12 - 10:02 p.m. My glands are still up, my head feels this giant pressure and no it's unfortunately not my brain growing and becoming more intelligent! I have been taking garlic capsules (4-6 a day works wonders for sinus/headcold problems) and just resting, resting and more resting. I have been sleeping a lot longer than I normally would - reminds me of the days of glandular fever - and basically just trying not to get too stressed. It's hard for me to not get stressed especially with this stupid Jobseekers pantsingness... I have been considering that TIOA (Kat made that up) job (Tourist Info Pantsness) and I have come to the conclusion I won't apply for it as it is totally unsuitable. The only thing that makes it suitable is the fact it is 16 hours a week and in my area, other than that it's all wrong for me. It's frontline (I said no frontline work), it could be any hours in-between 10-8.15pm, it's in a place that I can't get to easily.. and the pay is for want of a better word.. pants! So yeah, am going to plump for emphasising the fact it's anywhere in-between 10-8.15pm because if they asked me to work later like say 12-8.15pm I would be ummmm dead and useless and then I'd have to work the next day too! Ok just thinking about it made me feel really exhausted. *sigh* This whole jobseeking malarky really gets me down. I was reading Cornflake's diary and I totally empathise with her. It's 2 years in a row now that I have been on JSA in the bleakest months, with the feeling of well... uselessness and low self-worth. I am fortunate my parents are very supportive of me. My father hasn't always been like this, but over the past 5 years he has seen how hard I try and heard it from professors and other people whose opinions he valued and this seems to have helped my cause. Prior to this he was sceptical at times as to whether I really was ill or just faking it. He used to try and get me to go on long walks, lose weight, exercise etc. Since I returned home full-time my dad has seen how hard I struggle on a day to day basis and he seems to have realised it's all too real. I feel kind of sorry for my parents, stuck with this child for years on end who has been sick and incapable and having other people judge them based on the fact I happened to get a controversial disease. Now they don't care that much about what people think, it's more a case of indignance rather than shame. They just worry really badly about my future, about what's going to happen to me financially and who will look after me when they can't. That makes me sad. My parents are going to my grandad's funeral tomorrow, leaving at 7 a.m. and they won't be back till about 9 p.m. They are picking my sister up on the way. I'll be on my own with the dog, some wedges, quorn burger and random vegetables my mom reckons I should cook and eat! Haha... I will relish this day to myself, but by about mid-afternoon I will long for them to be back. I guess I can spend some time job searching and filling in my booklet thingy. Anyway take care everyone... sorry it was a bit of a ramble! |
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